❝ While everyone seems to be a bit all over the place this finale, one constant remains. Eric and Pam are absolutely dynamite together. Thank goodness these two have each other, because it just works. Even when they are being monsters, which they sometimes are, they’re still a pair you can’t help but root for. Get rich, live forever. We love you, Pam and Eric. ❞
— Preach it sister. Meredith Woerner at i09 on the True Blood finale. (via fabulouslyfreespirited)
♥ 95 — 1 day ago on 27 Aug 2014 — via fabulouslyfreespirited
Summer Part 1: The job

This summer I lived up on Lake Winnipesaukee at my family’s summer cottage. I was fortunate enough to be offered a job working with one of my favorite mentors in college, Tim, at Winnipesaukee Playhouse teaching music, theatre, and dance. It’s a professional theatre company in Meredith, NH. The opportunity kind of just fell on my lap. I had planned on staying in Keene for the summer, and then moving to, well, wherever. But Tim pretty much offered me the position without so much as an interview, so of course I took it. I was terrified, but in a good way. For the most part, at least. I did have a couple dignified panic attacks. Still, I knew this job was exactly what I needed. A chance to get a certain confidence that I’ve needed since I’ve graduated. A confidence that can only come from experience. I have little regret about staying in Keene after I graduated, but it certainly packed a whirlwind of a year that I wasn’t expecting. So to have this opportunity handed to me on a silver platter was a sure fire sign for a change. To let my insecurities and fear to stray away from what’s comfortable would be me making a mistake I’ve made too many times in my life. So I took the opportunity and moved to my summer cottage. No internet, no cable, no friends nearby. All alone. Which I think I needed. No one influencing me, no one to latch onto and distract me from my own problems. I wasn’t sure what to expect at the camp. I’ve never really taught before and to have that responsibility definitely scared me.

The camp was… not what I expected. It lacked structure and I basically was on my own from day one with little instruction. Not entirely a bad thing, but it was stressful. I expected a lot more free time at the end of my days. Boy, was I wrong! That isn’t to say I thought this was going to be a walk in the park. No, but this job consumed my life. When the day was done, I’d drive back home, maybe have a cigarette on the dock, and then I’d have to get back to work. Script writing, prepping music, choreographing dances – stuff like that. A lot of the time I be burnt out by the time I got home, so I’d pass out by 9 PM. The next day I’d get up at 5:45 AM, prep for a couple hours, and do it all over again.

I still have mixed feelings, as far as the teaching part goes. I don’t know whether this job made me want kids more or less. I certainly had to deal with some awful, monster children. And I have to say, I was pretty disheartened about how little patience I had by that last few weeks. On the other hand, there were a handful I fell in love with, especially Tim’s nieces and nephew, that I genuinely enjoyed spending time with. Those guys really knew how to put a smile on my face. And it feels so wonderful and rewarding when you see your efforts as an educator appreciated. I like kids, but I’m still undecided on the whole parenting thing, as well as furthering my teaching career. Tim has already reached out to me to pursue future educational collaboration together so I guess I did something right. Regardless, I got exactly what I wanted from this opportunity. Confidence, a sense of pride in myself and my abilities. I am capable of a lot more than I give myself credit for. I need to believe in me more. It’s also comforting to know what I know I have a reference for any future jobs.

But the best thing about this is I did it all on my own. Yes, I had support. But I really figured things out without any help. And to be honest, I didn’t mind being so alone. Maybe it was because I was so busy, but I didn’t dwell on my loneliness. In fact, it made me a little less afraid to branch out on my own. That was such a huge stressor for me at this time last year. I’m constantly afraid of losing everyone I love or that they’ll forget me, lose interest in me. But that’s not way to live. I’ll never get anywhere I want to go. After this whole experience, I’m ready for a fresh beginning.

♥ 2 — 2 days ago on 25 Aug 2014

I haven’t been on here all summer because I didn’t have internet and I have so much to write about and need to just get out of my system, but I have no idea where to begin ahhhhhhhhhhh

3 days ago on 24 Aug 2014

Kristine, what the actual fuck is wrong with you?  Do yourself and everyone else a favor and never wake up again after tonight.

♥ 1 — 1 week ago on 21 Aug 2014

Big stride in recovery today. Went grocery shopping for the first time without putting a single item in my carriage back on the shelf and spent over $20. AND I’m actually feeling really good about it, not anxiety ridden. I know that seems like such a little thing, but this is a hurtle I’ve really failed to tackle in all my time in recovery, so I’m all sorts of ridiculous happy right now.

♥ 10 — 1 month ago on 07 Jul 2014


♥ 2 — 1 month ago on 05 Jul 2014
❝ What do you most value in your friends?
Their continued existence. ❞
— Christopher Hitchens (via shehadnotsaidit)
♥ 561 — 1 month ago on 04 Jul 2014 — via coffeewithasplashofglitter (source)


i can’t wait until october when there’s no sun outside and everything is cute colors and it’s cold and there are terrible horror movies on tv, my power is at its peak then

♥ 414009 — 1 month ago on 04 Jul 2014 — via stunt-witch (source)
♥ 278959 — 1 month ago on 04 Jul 2014 — via planet-schmanet-janet (source)
❝ I should’ve kissed you that night. ❞
— Six word story  (via fapulousbuttplug)
♥ 241 — 1 month ago on 03 Jul 2014 — via oh-to-wonder (source)
❝ Sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve. ❞
— (via dread-l0cks)
♥ 2703 — 1 month ago on 02 Jul 2014 — via wealljustwanttolive (source)

I suppose I should be thankful the rain is forcing me to stay at the library and work on my curriculum….

OR I could be annoyed that I can’t get more coffee.

1 month ago on 02 Jul 2014
#personal  #2014